LINGER PERFUME

I like it when you touch me.

My heart starts beat faster.

Then butterfly in my stomach is flying around.

It feels warm against my clothed skin.

I craved for your touch.

How your touch tell me that I’m loved.

How you remain relax while I’m a bit tensed.

I don’t want to let this moment to end.

Your perfume got lingered in the air.
I silently sniff and went weak.
So good that I'd love to have you here.

Or even got me in your arms.

I’m not sure about this feeliing.

It isn’t love, but I keep thinking of you.

Just stupid crush you don’t find important.

But I love how you touched me first.

How sad I am just thinking about a farewell.

I’m counting of the days till we meet.

Hope you don’t run from me.

I’ll frame your smile in my head.

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WRONG

difficult to love my own self. 

angry everytime I look in the mirror.

don't want to see this face. 

cause I see no point in there. 

I'm afraid to have a hope. 

it'll set myself high. 

my head will be covered with clouds.

and the ground is out of my sight. 

I didn't realize how high I was. 
keep flying, forgetting about what's below. 
till I finally hit the ground hard. 
Hurt and I got nothing to blame. 

hard not to angry with myself. 
all the hate inside of me. 
I'm drowning in a lake of hatred.
I swim, try to reach the surface.

I will die, 
if I'm not going up surface. 
I can't make it, 
if I'm not swimming faster. 

I'm not okay. 
till I find peace in me. 
I won't be okay, 
until I forgive myself.

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BUILT MY WALL

 

I've built my wall high.
Hope that you don't come through.
The heart was soft now's hard.
Hard enough you can't break it.

To be loved is beautiful.
Everyone wants to be loved.
What if you got one sided love?
Is love still beautiful?

To be in love makes you happy.
There is a time you'll fall out love.
It'll make you think.
Love isn't always beautiful.

There'll be a time you'd realise.
Love isn't all you need.
You're grateful for wall you've built.
To prevent sadness caused by love.

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INVISIBLE

been standing in front of mirror.
been staring at her reflection.
been doing anything to make perfection.
been thinking pretty enough to go.

smiling for the last time.
red lips, thick lashes, dark brows.
her perfume always in purse.
she's ready to had the time of her life.

she walks by the glass door.
she's frowning cause it betrays her.
been thinking that she's beautiful enough.
but the glass door says otherwise.

she's feeling tears are welling up.
how could anyone fall for her look?
she's trying hard to be beautiful.
but still nobody glance at her.

then she sits in the corner of the room.
she ignores everyone and everything.
iphone in her hand to keep company.
being invisible and pretend never existed.

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AWAY

 

seven years has passed.
think I'm getting better.
guess I'm wrong.
still fragile and vulnerable.

it's too much to take.
I become hardly to breathe.
when will it over?
I wanna go away.

hurt is such an understatment.
it's no more wound.
already numb.
couldn't feel anything more.

sometimes I want to give up.
but God haven't let me yet.
just not this time, one day.
sometimes I'm afraid of going away.

I'm not afraid,
of what I'll leave behind.
I'm just afraid,
what am I going to say to God for giving up.

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SORE

been feeling the same over again.
thought you'd care.
thought you'd give a damn about me.
thought I was mean something.

same old pain but different day.
guess I'm very good at hiding things.
I hide all of these feelings.
clearly I didn't mean something to you.

I feel more insecure.
I'm getting scare of having a hope.
I'm crying, but my eyes aren't wet.
my lung screams for help.

I never understand any of this.
sure thing is, it's hurt.
I blamed it all to myself.
for being a loser since day one.

been praying every day for a better.
been struggling to leave the pain.
been hiding too long in time.
been waiting for this pain to finally stop.

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STILL THE SAME

I have written all of my feelings.
and there's no left to write.
cause I'm feeling the same.
Guess then I'll just write the same.

I don't know exactly what it is.
pain that I shouldn't have felt.
but I feel it over and over.
wish I could tell you how I feel.

I mask it so you can't see.
I hide it so you won't notice.
but, do you ever see the pain shines through my eyes?
oh, never! cause I won't let you.

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FINE DAY

a simple talk,
causing a lots of laugh.
a simple glance,
causing loads of love.

only yesterday I found myself give up.
only yesterday I started to letting go.
and I forgot it today.
I forget to let you go.

never thought we could be this close.
never thought it's just the two of us.
never thought we could be alone.
to kiss you is all I wanted.

I don't plan to touch,
I don't plan to stare at your eyes.
cause I know I'd be lost.
cause I know I'd fall deeper.

finest day to start all over.
to be loved or to be in love.
beautiful day to start letting go.
but I found love when I should let go.

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NO PLACE, THE SEAT IS TAKEN.

when we fall into the same hole.
when we're hurt by the same ground.
then we cried by the same reason.
it's when we fall in love with the same person.

when we both keep denying.
when we craved for his attention.
then he treated you and ignore me.
it's when I start to letting go.

thought I was the one.
I saw it in his eyes.
such a lite up and beaming.
it's when I fell for his lies.

when we both don't know our each secret.
it's the best way to prevent the pain.
when we're both still good friends,
I'mma let myself out of the way.

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SUNSET OVER NINE YEARS

far away from reach.
imagining one day miracle happen.
you're my miracle.
and I hardly reach you. 

feels like reaching for the stars.
you're the beauty of the night.
feels like chasing the sun.
you're the light of the world.

feels like wind blows.
you make the air chill.
feels like the sun sets on the horizon.
you make the end of the day beautiful.

you're too far, too beautiful.
and I'm all your opposite.
you're my impossible.
could I ever reach you?

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LIMP

Pain all over body.
Faking a smile to hide it.
So sting I hardly get up.
Hard grip on knees to help me up.

Limp walking like zombies.
Try to hold back the pain.
Dot sweats covered the temple.
Feet are rigid, flinched at every step.

He asked me "you're okay?"
I waved him off, keep walking.
Feels like bones are clacking.
Laying down is all I wanted.

I arched my back.
Pain strives down my spine.
Groans keep coming from my mouth.
Where's my medicine?

I'm on my hands and knees.
Struggling to stand up.
Legs are shaking, hands are trembling.
Do I even have medicine?

I fall back laying flat.
Adjusting my spine.
I feel so heavy.
He asked me again "you're okay?"

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AUTUMN

Giggling along the conversation.
Bad wound out of vision.
Clenched heart by the realisation.
Time to let go things you're not own.

Sweet taste his lips in fantasy.
His scent had me dizzy.
My eyes blurry like fog in a sea.
Something is hurt but I can't foresee.

Love falls like leaves in autumn.
Heart break feels sting and burnt.
Could never understand, so I run.
Try to run away and no will to turn.

I thought in autumn there's no rain.
I'm feeling a non-exist pain.
Smiling is hard, I feel faint.
Something is hurt, heart is chained.

Laughter filled the room in evening.
Chattering about absolutely nothing.
Keep denying a feeling.
That there's a heart is breaking.

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SHE IS INSECURE

she wears hoodie on summer.

she only got one jacket for winter.

no much money in her pocket,

to effort another pair of jacket.

she hides her face in the book.

no one has an eye to her look.

sometimes she stares at the ground,

to avoid glancing to surround.

her cheeks full of pimples.

those covered her beautiful dimples.

her skin feels rough and dry.

sometimes her eyes are swollen too from cry.

boys come to her for a certain thing.

boys talk to her when they needed something.

they're gone when they're done.

then leave her alone.

boys don't come for her look.

boys never come to her for hook.

she really wants to kick them to a ditch.

for being only nice to the pretty bitch.

she feels herself is ugly.

the body she has is so pudgy.

she lack of confidence.

she wonders if there's a man asking her for a dance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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PENCIL COLORS

Sometimes you gotta be hurt.
Sometimes you have to feel pain.
To appreciate little things.
To appreciate happiness around.

Express your feeling into words isn't easy.
It has to be something deep.
Which your mouth couldn't open.
Or your eyes couldn't tell.

Through the pain.
You can feel something else.
You write how you feel about it.
To write it all down.

Angry, sad, happy, empty, love.
They're just like pencil colors.
Each has their own chores.
To coloring every inch of your life.

You have all the pencil colors.
And you just confuse what to draw.
You want a beautiful painting.
So does everyone else.

You put away the black.
Because you want the colorful one.
But you can't put the black away.
Black is beautiful color.

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WASTED NIGHTS

I have no more words to write about you.
All I want you to know, I can't tell.
My lips are sealed, no word comes.
So this pages become my diary.

My eyes revealed all the things.
But you never look me in the eyes.
Something sparkle when you're around.
It's the love you left inside me.

Your light touch on my shoulder.

I feel your warm skin.

Then I smell your wonderful scent.

How much I fantasized to kiss you.

The freeze air in the night.
I stared at the moon.
I walked slowly beside you.
How much I fantasized holding your hand.

Your little gaze when I laughed at you.
Your lips turn crimson as you lick them.
You got me lost my mind.
Just let me do it for you.

I'm sorry for this feeling.
It doesn't matter if you don't need it.
I should've thrown it away.
But it just stayed right where it came.

Though I'm out of words, I'd still love to write you.

1000001  1001101 1000111

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IT'S THE 3 LETTERS

It's always something distracting.
It's always something fascinating.
It's always something I'm longing.
It's you.

It's something I can't have.
It's something I can't feel.
It's something I can't kiss.
It's you. 

I can't think straight.
I get lost in the depth of a sight.
I get so distracted over a smile.
Because of you.

There's something fascinating.
There's butterfly feeling inside my chest.
There's something that had my heart clenched.
You caused it.

Even something I can't miss.
Even this little laugh over silly jokes.
Even the crimson lips that had me dazzled.
It's always you.

Those nights we spent.
Those foods we shared.
Those conversations we talked.
Always you.

Something had me laughed.
Something had me feel alive.
Something had me hurt.
You caused it.

It's you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

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DARK AS FEATHERS OF CROW

Sensitive heart, takes everything seriously.

One little thorn does hurting badly.

One easy thing does make you down so low.

Sensitive heart, beating slow.

Sensitive hearts, shouldn’t see anything sad.

Cause they’ll fall deep into it.

They’ll become tired of it.

Sensitive hearts, cry more than they should.

Sensitive hearts, shouldn’t be surrounded by sorrow.

It’ll just make them hollow.

Set theirself crying in the back row.

Sensitive hearts, dark as feathers of crow.

Sensitive hearts, cry in silence.

Smiling when they died inside thousand times.

Invisible tears, never leave a stain.

Sensitive heart, wrecked and abandoned.

Sensitive heart, wants nothing but being tough.

To be able trough the days that rough.

Be patience of the things that went wrong.

Sensitive heart, be strong.

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DAGGER ROSE

Pretty. Tempting to be touched.
Pain. It's sting and I flinched.
Pain. Thorns scratch the skin.

Pretty. Red as my blood alloy with petals.

Silver shines beautifully.
It's small and deceiving.
Sharp, dangerous, move quickly.
One wrong move, then dying.

Rose is in my right hand.
I kneeled and looked up at her.
I gave her my rose,
And said 'I love you'.

She's off guard as I stood up.
I hugged her tight then inhale her scent.
Dagger's is in my left hand.
No hesitant, I stabed her across.

Beautifully in pain.
I felt her grip in my arm.
No words spoken as she choked.
Till her breath's dying.

Her body fell on me.
I catched her with my open arms.
I said 'I love you' again.
But she just kept silent.

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IN BETWEEN

It’s easy to see sadness

You can always find it everywhere

You step on glass till your feet bleeding

You’re not sad, you’re hurting

So what is it causing sadness?

Can anybody tell? I can’t unravel it

You can always find sadness everywhere

Without even knowing why

So, what is it between sad and hurt?

What is the difference between them?

You’ve hurt then you cry

You cried cause you’ve been hurt

But it’s not always that way

Though you’ve hurt, you aren’t crying

Strong enough to enjoy the pain

Just wish know how to get through

It’s easy to finding happiness

It’s always been there, but hiding

Seeking for happiness as its say easy

Just wish know how to win

 By: etm

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MONSTER AND ANGEL

I see a stranger in the mirror

It always reflects me so terribly

Looks like a monster

I see a monster, I’m a monster

I break all the mirror

But I keep seeing monster

I couldn’t do this forever

I’m screaming more than ever

How to kill this monster?

I hate seeing this monster

I hate every mirror

I hate to see my reflection

How to kill this monster?

Or could I just kill myself

To end this mosnter?

But just too scared of death

I see a stranger in the mirror

It always refelct me the way I wanted

So beautiful, can’t take mye eyes of it

I see an angel, I’m an angel

I embrace all the mirror

All I see is an absolute beauty

I wanna be this forever

I’m screaming more than ever

How to keep this angel?

I’d love to be this angel

I’m not hating mirror

The reflection isn’t frighten me anymore

How to keep this angel?

Or could I just cage myself?

So nobody can touch

But just too scared for not living a life

by: etm

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